Before the thought of me being pregnant ever became more than a distant thought in our minds, there was one thing I already knew about the whole experience;

The bump was going to be a “NO TOUCHY” zone.

Don’t get me wrong – I am happy to share the kicking phase, etc, with my family and friends – but there is going to need to be words exchanged prior to actual contact.  HELLO – you are going to touch someone’s body, ask permission and wait for an answer, m’kay?

And so help me, if you are a random person I deal with during the day, or a co-worker? Oh Hell No! Hands off completely!

What I hadn’t been prepared for was that the inappropriate attempts would start this early – I figured that it wouldn’t begin until the offender could at least pretend that movement from my darling little Cubby the Curd might be felt.

NOPE!  Accosted by the president of our HOA after a board meeting last week – and the “how” brings me to another issue.

She did ask if she could touch my bump.  She asked with her hands on my belly.  Um, no.

If I ask “are you gonna eat that?” As I am halfway through swallowing the last of your delicious steak, that question doesn’t really count.  I am still being rude, and so was she.

I know pre-school is LONG AGO for some folks, but “keep your hands to yourself” is sort of something that we are taught from the very beginning – it isn’t supposed to be blown off when you get older.

Needless-to-say I barked something like “Oh my goodness, it’s just a hard bump now!” and jerked my BODY PART away from her (it is a part of that person’s body, touchers, do you realize that?)

“Oh well, people are just excited for you,” people have said.  That is great – we are SO excited!  Please express that by saying “how exciting!”  Use your words.  If you want to touch, give me a hug – I have always been a big hugger! (Here is a hint, if you aren’t comfortable hugging me, you shouldn’t be attempting to touch an area of my body that is covered by most of the swimsuits I wear either.)    If that argument gives someone carte blanche to get grabby, then any guy excited about a woman’s big boobs could just run up and grab them – Hey, he’s just happy for you, ma’am!

Yeah, no.

Yep – I am going to have to up my ninja blocking skills and raise my guard, because I am not giving in on this one – not-to-mention the offender might get a lecture I consider better-suited to a pre-schooler.

I guess we will just call it practice for the not-so-distant future with Cubby.

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