Be – This is not how it is supposed to be…

A disclaimer:  I am really not the wussy I am about to sound like. Or a raging lunatic.  I am a “go with the flow” kind of girl when it comes to the Big (Capital B) kind of things, actually.

Now everyone has their quirks – and I have plenty, to be sure.

I like ice in my wine sometimes. I can be oversensitive. I don’t follow recipes.  I am a crier (which we already discussed.) I am possibly the WORST passenger in a car that you could ever hope not to drive with.

For a girl with a “sensitive tummy,” I have a freakish love of food – this leads to some interesting situations.

But when it comes to the down-and-dirty, in-the-trenches, take-the-stuff-J.C.-tests-you-with kind of moments?  You want Keri in your corner, I promise.

My mother’s best piece of advice to her college-aged daughters so many (cringe) years ago was “SUCK IT UP!”

We did. 

 We do.

So what finds Keri in her current funk?  What is the straw that broke the weather-any-storm Camel’s back?

Air conditioning. (It is more, but follow me here, people.)

When we bought the Tree House 3 (God, has it been 4?  Maybe 4) years ago, one of the things we adored about it was the a/c units in each of the rooms.  Goodbye to Keri’s old bachelorette pad with ONE little overworked a/c in the living room.  Ta-ta, trying to place fans to draw the cool air back into the bedrooms each night. Buh-byeee to dinner parties where we ate in the sweltering kitchen when that tiny little a/c had long since given up the fight.

Except for one thing.  Our beautiful a/c units are actually ceiling mounted chiller units.   They don’t like humidity, and they show it by leaking down into our ceiling and ruining the pain-in-the-ass charming plaster that coats every surface in the Tree House.
Each summer it gets a bit worse.  Last summer, in the midst of The Hub’s lay-off/employment search, one of the valves in the living room unit gave up the ghost and we had to shut her down completely while we had a giant hole cut in said plaster to have it replaced.

Oh joy.

After years of crazy happenings, we have become so paranoid that we are slaves to the weather reports – watching in breathless horror each morning to see just how hot it is going to be, and (most importantly) what the humidity is like outside.

This summer  it has reached a fever pitch that has kept us from using them at all.  And YES , I know it isn’t really even Summer yet. 

I have several problems with this:

1. We live in COLORADO.  It is not supposed to be humid here.  And yet it has been (for us) this year already.  I was horrified enough last year during the thunder-stormy part of July when we had to to tell my Brother-in-law and his girlfriend (who I HOPE to call my sister-in-law someday, in spite of her would-be family’s issues with cooling,) to turn off the a/c in the guest room so it wouldn’t rain inside as well as outside – but humidity like this in June is unacceptable.

2. There is really no place to put window units.  Our beautiful wall-of-glass-sliding-doors view doesn’t really allow us tons of non-janky (or even kinda janky) looking options.

So I admit it.  Today it got the best of me.

I set up all the fans in all of the places I am supposed to; and drove Potter off to Doggie Day Care, where at least it is cool.  But the whole day I thought about it : How hot is the Tree House? How cool is the Tree House?  Are all of those fans really a fire hazard like The Hub seems to think they are?  Are we going to be miserable when we get home? Is it really going to be hotter tomorrow?

And it broke me.   I drove away from work looking for a fight.  No one was safe.   I thought I wanted to go to Tony’s Market Bistro for a little Happy Hour R and R.

So by the time I got to Tony’s for HH, I wasn’t feelin’ it….  I had thought I wanted to sit in a window with a drink and an appie and watch the city go by….  Until I fought traffic through a few errands and actually made it there, and then I kind of thought I might actually have a Falling Down incident and kill “The City” as it went past.

Lucky for me, they sent me my birthday email last week, and it was a 5 dollar GC – so I went by the cold case and grabbed a sammie full of yummy meats and cheeses and veggies and an Izzie Clementine.

Then I went and got my doggie from day care (and entertained the patio at Pizza n Grill with a parallel parking “incident” involving a Costanza-like situation where the guy behind me tried to pull in front-ways as I was backing in,) and made it home dreaded sweet home.

It wasn’t hot.  But it wasn’t a/c cold either.   I lost it – running around the empty, semi-cool apartment ranting about traffic and humidity and work and everything under the sun. (And YES, I was crying, insane squirty tears coming from my eyes the whole time.)

I signed up to “love, honor, and obey”  in air conditioning, people.  I didn’t know I had to specify, or I would have written it in the vows.

Evidently if you need me this summer, just ask and someone will point you to “that crazy lady in the pool.”

One response to “Be – This is not how it is supposed to be…

  1. Tara

    Oh man! We lived in a place with funky ass windows for a few years and could not have an A/C unit. I cried a few times and spent many nights in hotels because I just needed to get some sleep in a room that wasn’t boiling. I feel your pain friend.

    You should maybe try one of the ventless A/C units. I didn’t like ours but that doesn’t mean that there is not a good one out there.

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